Mom scolds her 20-year-old son's 18-year-old girlfriend because he spent money on her against his mom's wishes: 'I think a relationship should be you both purchasing your own things.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 2, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

You should consider yourself lucky if you've never been in a relationship with a mama's boy. It's not that I think that men who are close to their mothers are inherently nefarious, but if they value their mother's opinion above your opinion and their own thoughts, that's a major red flag. It's far less common for mothers to care for their daughters through adulthood than their sons, and both daughters and sons suffer for it. Daughters have to grow up quicker and assume more adult responsibilities in their childhood, while sons can reach adulthood without ever having folded their own shirts. 

When you're in a relationship with a man whose mother babies him, you quickly learn that she expects you to do the same thing. His mother wants you to analyze his decisions as a parent would and guide him in the direction she believes is right. She wants the co-parent her husband never could be. The problem with that is that nobody, even a mother, should be parenting anyone over 18 like a 10-year-old. It's a ridiculous ask on multiple levels, and it's unfair to the young couple who should be functioning as a couple and nothing else. 

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  • The young woman in this story is struggling with the inane demands of her boyfriend's mother. The mother doesn't want him to spend any money on his girlfriend at all and wholeheartedly believes that the girlfriend is the one forcing him to spend money on her, despite her insistence that she hasn't asked for that.

  • Blonde Woman's face
    via Valdemars Magone

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I overreacting for feeling a bit offended by what my boyfriend's mom said

    12:14 52 M Melissa> Hey Ariana, can I ask you something +) Hi ofc you can Have you been asking austin to buy you things And I don't mean to be ugly but you'll understand why in a minute No I usually don't but actually Friday at my sisters game I did ask him to buy me a drink lol idk if that counts but may I ask why? well look I just think he's spending way too much money lately like the other day his dad and I saw him come home with a basket of things like from target? I'm assuming and it just f
    via u/Fun-Selection1201
  • 12:14 52 M Melissa♥ and I'm not sure if you're asking or he just does this? no I agree I actually have no idea why he's been doing that I told him he really doesn't have to bc I feel bad when he spends over 5 dollars on me I could talk to him if that would help yes that would be great I just hope you're not asking for this stuff because he needs to save hun and half of the things I see him purchase I bet you have already Ofc not I rarely ever ask for anything pricey from him i completely agree t
    via u/Fun-Selection1201
  • First of I 18(f) want to say i genuinely get her point and I get and acknowledge she's just trying to look out for him M(20) but felt a bit offended that despite me telling her the truth that I really don't ask him to buy me things often, she stil didn't believe me almost? Also I want to
    via u/Fun-Selection1201
  • say that the basket she's referring to was for my birthday he got me a like small to medium sized basket and put a few goodies in it and I am very grateful for it and she exaggerated when she said every week because it's not that often, he does this where he buys me something once in a while, nothing too crazy and I genuinely
    via u/Fun-Selection1201
  • don't ask for things from Him because even though we have been together for a very long time, i get embarrassed even asking for a drink or something small.also yes i do buy him things too it's kind of one of my love language is gift giving and I don't
    via u/Fun-Selection1201
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    via Joanna Kosinska

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • mind it at all and he doesn't either but i get also why his mom might not like it but I felt a bit offended, aio for feeling that? And yes he has a job and so do i
    via u/Fun-Selection1201
  • Young carpenter in overall putting wooden boards on machine during production of furniture at factory
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Few-Piece-7770 Me reading this expecting a 14-15 yr old boy. Nope 20 yr old man. Mom is the one overreacting imo
    via u/Few-Piece-7770
  • me-llamollama And why not talk to the son about managing money instead of telling the girlfriend to stop "making" him buy her stuff?? As if he doesn't have free will??
    via u/me-llamollama
  • Embarrassed_Mango679 Because her darling boy can't possibly control himself in the presence of this gold digging harpy. OP do not continue to engage with this nonsense. It will not get better by acting like her doormat (and I guarantee you if she has this much gall she's capable of far worse)
    via u/Embarrassed_Mango679
  • Jerseygirl2468 I agree, don't engage. A simple "I don't ask him to buy me anything, but if you have concerns you should speak to him."
    via u/Jerseygirl2468
  • theycallme_mama All of the above, OP. Also, never apologize for something you did not do or had no control over. You texted, "I'm sorry about this." You have ZERO to be sorry for. She should be apologizing to you for this nonsense. What a c u next Tuesday this woman is.
    via u/theycallme_mama
  • sahGypsySoul This! Especially since you told her three times that you don't ask. She didn't need to reiterate it over and over again.
    via u/sahGypsySoul
  • bored-analyst1010 you'd be surprised if i said the mom is more scared to make the son offended than the gf, a lotta moms like to act like saints in front of their sons but mean to their daughters
    via u/bored-analyst1010
  • nathanb131 Yep, this is the bigger problem. A mother-in-law assuming that the gf is a bad influence before even asking her own son is a huge red flag for much bigger future problems. Imagine down the road and he cheats on her. A mom like this would probably blame the gf for not being attentive enough.
    via u/nathanb131
  • crypticwishes NOR, his mom is hella weird for 1) insinuating/accusing you of "spending his money" 2) trying to control what you do and 3) trying to control you and your bfs relationship. Y'all are adults, she has no business butting her head in. If your boyfriend wants to buy you things because he wants to, then he obviously can.
    via u/crypticwishes
  • Don't feel guilty for it. It shows that he thinks of you and prioritizes you. I suggest talking to him about these messages from his mom and getting his opinion about it— it's rly odd that she's talking to you about it anyway? If she's worried about his spending does that have to do with you lol?Please don't feel shameful about it. You nor your bf have done anything wrong.
    via u/crypticwishes
  • Secure_Ad127 In psychology terms, this is called 'triangulation'. Recommend that OP looks this up. Best strategy in future is to decline to participate in the triangulation, so responding to her second message that you don't know about his spending habits and she'll have to discuss this with him.
    via u/Secure_Ad127
  • seaseajams This is so weird of her, you guys are both adults, and for her to confront you on this is not appropriate. and I hope your boyfriend isn't okay with this, your boyfriend buying you things is normal
    via u/seaseajams
  • Puzzleheaded-Aide327 Exactly it's a normal part of a relationship and her reaction says more about her than about you
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Aide327
  • Kooky_Ad961 Mum is waaayyyyy to involved in her sons relationship. It seems like she's trying to have some kind of control over him. If he earns his own money she really has no say in what he spends it on anyway. I'd talk to your bf about it. Sounds like she's struggling with her son having a new woman in his life.
    via u/Kooky_Ad961
  • Ordinary-Dig-6981 +1 for this. Mom's like that will usually become a problem in the future. First, it would be like this and the next, she'll try to involve herself in every decision that you make as a couple. She's definitely struggling to let go of her adult son.
    via u/Ordinary-Dig-6981
  • Perfect_Rain8612 I'm sorry but "a relationship should be you guys purchasing your own things" just hits me wrong. It's gross if you guys are serious why would you not buy each other things. that's such a weird comment to make to someone about something she frankly has absolutely no say in whatsoever.
    via u/Perfect_Rain8612

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Dating-Relationships boyfriend relationship mother dates money problems relationships girlfriend mother in law family mom money son dating overreact Reddit
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